Ghetto
by Misako Hashiba
Summary: This is a story written by me, Lilo Hawkins, and another friend not on this site. It is a parody of Treasure Planet. Please no one get offended, this is not meant to offend, it's just all in good playful fun.
1. Default Chapter

***Disclaimer: Disney owns this stuff, we don't mean to offend anyone, this is just some silly rambling we came upon at Target. Anyway, it's comedy, so don't get pissed.***

Characters

J-Dawg - Jim Hawkins

Jo Momma - Sarah Hawkins

Doctah D - Delbert

Yo Bitch - Amelia

Pimp Daddy Silver - John Silver

Mo Mo - Morph

Handz - B.E.N

Mista Arra - Mr. Arrow

Billy Boner - Billy Bones

The Map - A sequined G-string that jim wears. to activate it, he has to "adjust" himself. This makes the sequins sparkle and activates the map.

Chapter One

J-Dawg sat on the roof the the BenBow Brothel. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he knew he didn't belong here. Mainly because he was the only male living in the household and he didn't quite enjoy the fact that the other residents were practicing whores.

Jo Momma ran the Brothel, she collected the money from traveling salesmen, bums, Spacers and other unsavory people. She would then divy up the money for her "employees".

Her most common visitor was Doctah D. He enjoyed visiting one of the sassy brunettes, his wild side usually hidden.

"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma called from the kitchen, "get your butt down here now and do dees dishes!"

"Yes Momma." J-Dawg grunted. He walked into the kitchen to see Doctah D with the Brunette.

"Hey!" J-Dawg called, "Whaddup Dawg?"

"Uh...uh...." Doctah D stumbled, "J-Dawg! Whatchyou doin' here?"

"Momma tol' me to wash dem dishes." J-Dawg sniffed, "guess, I should make da bitch happy since I got expelled from another damn school."

"J-Dawg," Doctah D scolded, "you shouldn't be gettin' in trouble like that and you certainly shouldn't be dissin' Jo Momma."

"Whatever," J-Dawg sighed, "hey when you leave, take dat bitch wit you." 

Flustered, Doctah D left with the half clothed brunette.

As J-Dawg did the dishes, he sighed, didn't Jo Momma know that living in a Brothel wasn't good for a boy of 15? Especially since he was forbidden to touch any of the employees.

"I wish I could get my own bootie." J-Dawg mused, "like Homie Flint and Ghetto Planet. Wow, the bootie of a thousand worlds."

"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma screamed, "are dem dishes done yet?"

"Shaddup ya bitch!" J-Dawg shouted, "I'm doin' em!"

J-Dawg's father, Dat Bastard, left when J-Dawg was only 10. He didn't like the fact that his wife ran a brothel, even though it was good business, the whores were dirty and he was tired of smelling them. He didn't take J-Dawg because he was too much of a burden and he wasn't sure he was his anyway. 

J-Dawg was so lost in thought, that he didn't notice the rain had started. Suddenly, he heard a crash and he ran out to see a space ship in his front yard. He helped out this strange looking creature who claimed his name was Billy Boner. 

After about half an hour of dragging the lifeless body up to the front door, he ran in and told Jo Momma about his findings.

"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma cried, "what do you think you're doing?"

"Momma! Shut yor pie hole! He's hurt dammit!"

"Lad, get me my super dildo!" Billy Boner ordered.

J-Dawg grabbed the huge dildo and watched as Billy Boner pressed in the head and the fake testicles opened up to reveal a white, sparkley rhinestone g-string. "Can't let 'em find this!" He ordered again.

"Who?" J-Dawg asked.

"The Cyborg pimp!" he whispered in J-Dawg's ear, "beware the Cyborg Pimp!" with that last breath, he died.

Just then, they heard noise outside, J-Dawg grabbed Jo Momma's hand and dragged her upstairs. He shoved the g-string in his pants for the time being. Doctah D followed them, leaving several screaming whores behind.

"Ah, pretty lassies." A voice sounded, "too bad I haven't any time for ye."

"I don't see it Pimp Daddy!" a Pirate shouted.

"Where is it?" Pimp Daddy shouted. He saw Billy Boner and the open dildo. "Hmmmm....I'll save this for later." he said as he shoved it in his pants.

Meanwhile, J-Dawg, Jo Momma and Doctah D had jumped out the window into Doctah D's bling bling limo leaving the BenBow brothel behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chaptah 2

Doctah D handed Jo Momma a shot of whisky, only to have her yank the bottle out of his hand instead. He shrugged and downed the shot himself. They had managed to escape the cyborg pimp and his gang. But just barely. They were now holed up in the Doctah's swanky pad. The Doctah had started a blazing fire in the fireplace and he and Jo Momma were now sitting in front of it.

"I can NOT believe yo, J-Dawg! How /could/ yo let that happen to my beautiful, beautiful brothel?!"

"Shuddup, bitch! I didn't know that wuz gonna happen. I ain't Miss Cleo!!"

Jo Momma raised her hand, as if to smack him, and he returned the favor by flipping her the bird. Doctah D sighed and decided to change the subject.

"It's going to take me some time to figure out the significance of that g-string. I'll have to study it extensively."

As Jo Momma and Doctah D talked, J-Dawg was busy "hiding the evidence". He had slipped on the g-string, planning to put his regular boxers back over it. Before he could put his boxers back on, he needed to adjust himself. So, he shoved a hand in and began adjusting. As he was doing so, he noticed that the sequins seemed to be shining brighter than the fire usually allowed. J-Dawg quickly removed his hand as a beam of sparkly golden light shot out of the sequins and filled the room with an all-encompasing hologram of space.

"This...This is so /badass/!" J-Dawg exclaimed, looking around at the hologram.

"It looks like a map!"

"It /is/ a map, Jo Momma." Doctah D rubbed his chin in thought. "But where is it a map /to/?" He reached out to touch what appeared to be the Monghettser Space Station. The map suddenly started moving, rushing past planets and galaxies and stars, until reaching...

"Ghetto Planet. That's Ghetto Planet!" J-Dawg gaped wide-eyed at the planet before them. "I've /aways/ wanted to go there!"

"Well you can't!" Jo Momma said, totally bringing down the moment. "Yo' still got to do dem dirty dishes!"

"Screw dat! I'm goin' to Ghetto Planet!"

"Sounds like a plan to me, Dawg. I'll go pack!"

"No you won't! If J-Dawg ain't goin' neither are /you/!"

"You ain't the boss of me, Woman! We're goin' and that's that!" The Doctah quickly packed his bag and started for the door. "C'mon J-Dawg. We've got a boat to catch."

"Alright! Latah Woman!" With that, he and the Doctah left the house without a backwards glance.

*~*~*~*~*

It had taken them a while to find the boat, and, after having asked, now stood infront of it.

"Here it is, Dawg. The S.S. Bootay."

"Woah... AWESOME!" He stared, impressed, at the huge, gold sequined ship.

"Let's hurry and get aboard. Don't need the Cap'n to leave us behind." The two walked aboard, both checking out the deck for any sign of hot ass.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:: I do not own Treasure Planet, or any of the characters. They belong to Disney and their respective creators. I do, however, enjoy poking fun at it. ^_^

J-Dawg and Docta D had just boarded the S.S. Bootay. Insteada checkin' out tha ship, J-Dawg was busy trippin' on tha punk-ass getup that Docta D was wearin'.

"Yo, Doc, what the HELL is you wearin', foo'?? You smokin' crack, man?? Cuz you look SAD."

Docta D flipped J-Dawg tha bird. "Shut yo' mouth, boy. This 'ere's muh supah fly ship gear. I'm totally safe, yo, so shut yo' trap cuz you gonna die an' I'll be kickin' it wit da ladies when -I- git my ass rich on Ghetto Planet bootie!"

"You f*ckin' wrapped yo'self in FOIL, dumbass!" J-Dawg threw out his hands in exhasperation and suddenly, his hand connected with something that let out a foul, nasty-ass belch. J-Dawg crinkled his nose. "Aw MAN! Whut'n'th'HELL was THAT!?"

"J-Dawg, you fool. You jest hit one o'them ships peep-mates!" Docta D turned to the fat-ass that J-Dawg belted. "Buuuuurrrppp Braaaaappppp brrp Briiiiiiiiiiip!!"

The other belched, flipped Docta D a double bird, and left. J-Dawg stared at tha Docta.

"The Hell??"

Docta D looked right proud. "Hey, I be fluent in Belchian, know what I'm sayin', Dawg?"

"....Belichian...f*ckin', that's tha shiznit."

*****

Docta D and Ja-Dawg now stood in front of some chick who was wearing a tight black mini skirt, a little blue tube top with medals hanging down from either side, and thigh-high slut-red hoochie boots.

"Who tha hell are you, bitch?" J-Dawg asked.

The chick raised an eyebrow. "That's Mizz Bitch to you, white-boy. I suggest you get it right or yo' ass is overboard faster'n'a ballpark plumpin' in tha microwave."

"Mmmm...bitch sho' is fine, know whut I'm sayin'?" Docta D licked his lips, some drool dripping onto his foil breastplate. "Yo, bitch! Whut say you and me blow dis joint an' go git our groove on, mmm?"

"ENOUGH!" boomed a giant man with a triangle-shaped do-rag on his head. Docta D whimpered, his floppy ol' ears laid back.

"Thank you, Mista Arra." The Captain turned back to the two homies. "Let's retreat to my quarters now. I'm ready t'see whut y'all is got." Quickly, she added, "An' wipe that cheesy-ass smirk off yore face, Doc, cuz I ain't interested in no little boyz." Pleased with just about making the Docta cry, she led J-Dawg and Docta D down to her quarters.

"Woah, nice crib ya got here, Mizz Bitch," J-Dawg said appreciatively, looking around.

"Hand over tha map, homie."

"Hell no, bitch! Ain't your's, an' I ain't lettin' you have it."

"Either you hand it over now or I'll go get it mySELF."

If Docta D had, had a tail, it would have fallen off from wagging so much. "J-Dawg don't have it, baby girl."  


"Then where tha hell IS it!?"

"In my pantz, biotch, so why don't y'all come over an' git it, yo?"

"Chuh, please. Ain't NUTHIN' in -yo'- pantz TO git, Docta."

J-Dawg busted up. "Aw man, girl, that wuz--"

"Shut up an' hand me tha map!"

"Alright, alright! Shut yo' trap, woman, an' stop hollerin' at me!!" Scowling, J-Dawg shoved a hand into his pants, an' fished around til he pulled out the g-string. "Here you go, bitch. Enjoy," he added, sarcastically.

Mizz Bitch purred, clutching the still-warm sequined g-string in her claws. "Mm...I will." Then she closed it up in a safe behind her cheap liquor cabinet.

"Well, guess there ain't nuthin' left ta do now 'cept ta break it on down wit our bad selfz." J-Dawg shook his bootay in the tradional 'I'm a big bad Treasure Huntin' Homeboy' dance.

"On the contrary, Dawg. For tha duration of this trip, yo' ass'll be workin' fo' yo' fare. This ain't no free ride, homedawg. You is gonna be tha new cabin boyee." She gave him an eyebrow. "Down wit dat?"

"Awwww MAAAAN..."

"Mista Arra, take these boyz down ta meet tha Pimp Daddy."

Mista Arra nodded. "Yes, Bitch.


End file.
